28 Years of Clinical Experience
PhD Counseling Psychology
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Certified Addictions Professional
What is Divorce Counseling?
Divorce counseling helps couples explore, recognize, and resolve conflicts in an effort to understand if either partner wants a divorce, navigate through the divorce process and help each partner move forward. Divorce counseling provides a safe and private space for partners to discuss challenges and feelings about the relationship and each other. Divorce counseling offers tools to make decisions about the relationship and can improve the daily lives of partners and their families in the process of a divorce.
Six reasons that may necessitate divorce:
(1) Cycle of infidelities
(2) Substance abuse, dependence on chemicals to cope.
(3) Spouses excessive uses anger, silence, and money to control
(4) Abusing children, name calling, put downs, neglect
(5) Pushing, shoving, hitting, and threats of physical harm
(6) Unwillingness to treat mental illness, depression, bipolar, addictions
Complaints that may lead couples to consider divorce but CAN be resolved:
(1) The same issues come up over and over, and nothing gets resolved,(you both can learn collaborative communication and conflict resolution skills).
(2) I don’t love him/her anymore; the chemistry & passion are gone. (sex and intimacy can be improved by telling the truth).
(3) I just don’t trust my spouse. (Most of the time the reasons have a basis in history, listen and understand…develop skills to avoid future repeats)
(4) He/she is not the same person he/she used to be. (We all grow and change….. you can learn, to adjust to the differences) Remember, it takes two willing and able people to make a relationship healthy. Many people repeat unhealthy emotional patterns over and over with each relationship. Stop the recurrent patterns, contact a licensed professional.
If you want to end the relationship, end it. Take responsibility. Do not stop trying or act in a way that will manipulate your partner into being the initiator.
-NO text, email, phone call break-ups. Show respect for the person that has been in the relationship experience with you with a face to face break up.
Revenge will only come back to cause you pain and prevent you from moving on.
-Be honest. Know your reasons for initiating the break-up and communicate them clearly. -Be concise. No need to go into all of the dirty details. Clearly express only what you must- enough to create mutual understanding.
-Break off contact. Every email, phone call, text, letter, and Facebook message prolongs the healing process for you and your former partner. Resist the urge to communicate after the break-up, as it can cause more pain for both of you.
Here are some suggestions for getting through this difficult time….
-Allow yourself to feel. Allow your pain. Take time to grieve. It’s ok to feel sad for yourself. Know that by allowing yourself to feel the loss, the pain will subside faster.
the fact is that there are many people out there with which a person can be compatible. There is no one soul mate.
– Find support. Surround yourself with loved ones. Sharing your feelings with them is important, but try to avoid reopening old wounds and ask them to help you to see the positives.
-Take care of yourself. Have a spa day, a pedicure, engage in physical activity, get outside. Find ways to improve yourself, see a therapist so you don’t repeat old patterns.
-After a period of rest, find ways to keep yourself occupied. A few suggestions for spending your time are; volunteering, or doing a hobby, set some goals, accomplish items on your bucket list.
-Move forward. Look ahead to the exciting possibilities that lay before you.
-Remember life can change in an instant.
Letting go after a Divorce….
-It usually takes a number of attempts to find a person that has all of the qualities necessary to be in your life long term. It takes time to fully know the person you are with and life takes turns that can impact and change relationships forever.
-For these reasons, the majority of the romantic relationships in a person’s life must come to an end. The break-up is the most dreaded part of a relationship and previous break-up experience can be enough to prevent one from entering a new relationship or ending an old one.
-Letting go is a learned process most of us have never learned, it enables us to gracefully move through the challenging emotions that come with an ending. After a break-up, is the time for healing.
Psychodynamic Approach to Divorce Counseling
Whether you are considering divorce, are currently going through a divorce or are moving forward post-divorce, Dr. Zebel can help you along your journey. Whatever stage you are in it is best to work through unresolved feelings and avoid any negative behaviors associated with sub-conscious thoughts and feelings surrounding the divorce both for you and your children.
It is common for those going through a divorce to experience the stages of grief. Dr. Zebel can help you navigate these stages and go through the emotions associated with the loss of your relationship. With guidance you can come out of a divorce stronger and ready to enjoy a fresh beginning!